I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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