So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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