why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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