i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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