God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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