OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
