so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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