"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
