after a month anything with tits is on the radar
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
