I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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