I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
