there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
