Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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