Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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