remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
