I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
