New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
