I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
you never un-have a 4some
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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