Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
