bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
