i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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