Joe is yelling at the trees again.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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