My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
