I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
