kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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