He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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