There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
