Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
