can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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