No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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