I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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