Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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