I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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