She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
