why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
