i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
This is my gift to your gina
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
