ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
