Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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