fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
