Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Randomize
