he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
