cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
