after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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