woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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