I wanna bring you to show and tell
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
