i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
