the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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