I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
