She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Four minutes until I can fart!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
