meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
