We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
