I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
